Ever since I was a little girl, I could remember singing myself to sleep and having an “active” imagination, and vivid dreams. Not much has changed.
I would lay in my mother’s queen sized bed, drift off to sleep so I could dream and see my ideas come to life within my head. Most of the time, I would feel my hands get heavy, images would start to form inside my head and I would see for a few moments a glimpse, like a white room (think Matrix style when Neo is in a white room with no other distractions or sounds) free of background, noise or other people. I saw myself as different versions of the Jen I thought I would grow to become. I imagined myself as the president of the United States, a farmer, a veterinarian and even Marilyn Monroe! Now, in my late 20’s, I find myself supremely happy with the continuation of my imagination and the use of it to solve problems. It has made me bold, yet sometimes naive. Strong, yet sometimes vulnerable. With the use of the mind, we can accomplish our desires. My choices in life have led me to this path of intersecting limbs that continually grow, like a web, larger, and larger. Within this web, it sometimes gets destroyed, like the web I accidentally walked through today while setting up my photography equipment for an outdoor wedding photo shoot. As I saw the corner of the web become attached to my light stand a calm presence took over my normal knee-jerk reaction to jump aside for a creature that normally scares me. The spider (which was HUGE by the way) wanted nothing to do with me, however. It was still and stationed in the center and made a little movement to recover its home, the web. I quickly sidestepped and tried to leave the rest of the web intact but that imagery stuck with me until finally sitting down to write this post.
The desire to create.
I believe we have the desire the create because nothing is permanent. Everything has a life cycle, some longer than others. As beings that remember the past, we want others to remember the past as well. To validate that the moment, the event, the emotion actually occurred. Each time I create something, it is a way to hold that moment in time and share it with others. It works, for a certain amount of time. Depending on the object and the audience, the creation works. To me, the desire to create comes from the constant urge to connect and communicate with people beyond the use of words. This is why I also teach yoga. I wish to connect with others and remind them of our special bond from one human to another.
We are constantly having our webs destroyed. It’s a wonderful thing to remember. When we have the destruction of something, it allows for the creation of something new. Speaking of destruction. I’d also like to include the image of the spider that appeared leading me to accidentally jump the curb while driving my minivan at the time and having (almost) all the paint from a sign restoration job spill out into the back of my van.
I used to be so afraid of spiders (except for daddy long legs). They moved differently with their multiple legs and quick decisive movements. Now, I see a portion of myself more like a spider. I make my web, set up my home, and prepare for the best; but when my home gets knocked down or my prey escapes, I adapt and change. This flexibility is needed constantly in a creative field. Especially on wedding day photo shoots where anything is possible. We must adapt, change and rebuild our web to capture the best meal, the best iteration of the moment.
Over the next few days I will be processing the images and look forward to posting about my upcoming works in this new blog.
Freelance artist located in Maryland. I do photography, graphic design, videography, and paintings.